 |
| |
I am an older
tranny in my 50s though still quite good looking. I have been in a long term
relationship with a guy who has been very good to me but he now says he is not
happy with me as a tranny and really wants me to go for surgery for gender
modification.
I am really not keen because I am happy
as I am but I don't want to lose him and he says if I wont go for surgery then
he will leave.
I just don't know what to do - until recently he has
always been happy with me as I am.
Toni |
| He's not happy with me as I am...... |
 |
|
| Auntie B writes...Toni honey - you have to do what's
right for you. If you don't want surgery then don't have it. In any event to
get gender surgery will take some time and you have to be able to satisfy the
psychologists that you want and need it. |
|
It sounds to me like you really
aren't interested in this so I doubt you would qualify in any
case.
Thats the practical side - emotionally of course its
hard. You want to be with your guy BUT he doesn't want to be with you as you
are - it seems to me he is being very selfish here.
Personally I think he is
behaving very badly towards you trying to blackmail you into something you
don't want and whats more something that could ruin your
life.
Even if you took the surgical route he may still walk anyway and you
will have ruined your life for nothing.
Nobody who really loves you and
cares for you would force you into something like this. Its hard for you I know
but there will be other guys who will accept you as you are. So chin up honey -
let him walk.
Auntie B |
| |
|
 |
My Family
say I
am sick and don't want to know me
anymore........... |
|
Dear Mel,
I don't know what to do. The lies and the bullshit
finally got to me and I decided to tell my family. I am one of 5 children. My
Mum and Dad say I am sick and they want me out of their lives. Mum cried when I
told her. My brothers and sisters say I am a disgusting pervert and have said
they never want to see me again.
I have moved out from home but
I do love my Mum and Dad and just don't know what to
do.
I want to dress very badly and cant stop even though its causing me
to be hated by my family.
Sherri |
|
Oh Honey...thats terrible and I really
feel for you. Coming out is often traumatic for people around you as well as
yourself. Its bound to be a shock to them and right now they will be hurt and
upset. After all parents always have such plans for their children and want
them to have the same sorts of lives - getting married, having kids etc. etc.
Right now they are in shock and are probably just lashing out at you. Once you
are 'out' sadly there's no going back BUT give it a few months and you will
make new friends who will help you - I know I did.
Your NOT a pervert and neither are you
sick. Lots of men either dress or fantasise about it and you shouldnt be
ashamed of what you are. Be proud of what you can acheive
instead.
In time when your family see you are
happier they may well come to terms with it and you may even find them
supportive. Mums are usually best at coming to terms with all sorts of
situations.
You don't say whether your particularly close to any
of your siblings. You may find sisters will more readily accept you than
perhaps brothers. If you do have a close attachment to one of your siblings try
to find a way to use them as a bridge to the rest of the
family.
I know its hard coming out - and you have shown
amazing courage to tell the whole family. Generally as a rule its best to
confide in just the closest family member and let them help you telling other
people. Its much easier once you have at least one person in your
corner.
If the need to dress is that strong than
you will most likely find - in time - its for the best as otherwise you would
have made yourself miserable and perhaps become quite bitter later on at
missing out.
Give it some time and stay in touch even
if its very distant, don't go closing doors or getting angry at them which will
make you reject them later on. Its obvious your close to your Mum and Dad and
given time they will most likely come to terms with your dressing. DON'T try
and force issues on them - give them some space (and yourself too) to come to
terms with the new situation.
Melanie
|
| I want to move in with my man but worry about him and how he will
cope............... |
Dear Mel,
I am
a 45 year old t girl. I am quite attractive and have found a really lovely guy
who likes me for what I am and accepts me just as a real woman. In many ways
its a dream come true for me as he is kind, considerate, caring and I in return
feel very deeply for him. I cant say if its love but I do want him around.
He
has asked me to move in with him so we can be with each other but I am worried
this may cause problems. |
|
 |
|
He has a responsible job thats quite public and of course
much as I want to take him up on his offer I am worried about what might happen
to him.
He is determined to take on the
world on this and says that if peopole cant accept me then thats their problem
but he is very convinced that he wants me to be his
partner.
I do want to live with him as
we have been seeing each other for some time so I am sure its not a momentary
infatuation but I worry that it will cost him his job and then he will see me
as the cause and get bitter.
I have tried
exlaining to him why it will be hard going - I have been dressing for 10 years
or so and know just how difficult life can be as a trannie.
He says he understands all this and why I am reluctant but
says he would rather be with me no matter what.
I just dont know what to do for
the best right now because I cant trust my own judgement can you or another
girl give me some advice.
Also it sounds silly
but I have never let him see me in drab - can any other girls advise how to
handle this.
Katrina xxxx |
Hi Katrina,
This is an area where I felt different
opions may be valuable to you so I consulted two other t girl friends for
advice on this. They both saw the situation differently but I hope amongst
their advice you may find the right solution for you.
|
Lisal
Writes......
Okay well first of all Katrina I would say that you deserve a chance
of happiness and that if you get the chance go for it - however only you know
the situation and the guy well enough to decide.
What I would say is that you
have explained the situation and the problems to the guy and he has heard you
and still wants to go ahead. It sounds like he has his head screwed on properly
and has taken account of your comments - he is a grown up and in charge of his
life and if you have explained all your worries/concerns to him and he is okay
with that then it is his decision that he wants to live with you and to deal
with whatever comes up!. Good for him and his attitude.
You have to be comfortable too - but there are only so many times
that you can draw the problems to his attention and he can say 'yes Katrina
that is fine' before you have to decide your self.
My general rule of thumb is "if
it feels good do it" as long as it doesn't involve animals children
non-consensual acts or illegality. I emphasise though it has to be your
decision - no-one can tell you what to do.
On the drab issue thats not one
I am so sure of. However we go into relationships with people as a whole (good
parts/bad parts etc - not saying that drab is bad!!) and if he loves you as a
whole he will be happy with you glammed up or not (to be honest the same thing
applies in all relationships!).
We go out with the glammed up
model but live with the real thing!!!
I wish you luck - it sounds to
me like a chance of a good relationship with a guy who likes you for being
Katrina - and has a sussed attitude to life!
Lisal |
Nicky
Writes.......
Katrina, lots of things worry
me with this siuation. The big one is if he loves you enough and you love
him.
Love can conquer all but you state in your mail that you dont know if
it IS love. I would want to be very certain about that before committing to
live with him.
Secondly you dont state why you NEED to live with him when it could
cause big problems for hime with his work, undoubtedly for you as you wil be
caught in any crossfire and may end up putting so much pressure on the
relationship that you end up breaking up whats obviously a good
thing.
The final thing that concerns me here is that he has
never seen you in drab or even
unwigged.
If you
live with him he is going to HAVE to see you like that at some
point.
I could give advice about etiquette with wigs and how to
sleep with one so it doesnt fall off etc BUT the bottom line is your not going
to be able to do that ALL the time. I think before you even consider living
with him you should test out how he will react to you being in
drab.
Examine your feelings very long and hard on this and try to stay away
from him for a bit and see what happens....it will be hard but when your up
close to the situation it can be very hard to see the way through - try
standing back a bit. Also a short separation may show whether both he and you
are really comitted.
You do sound sensible though and obviously very caring
about him and he sounds like he is smart enough to know his own
mind.
I am sure if you both give yourself some space you will
make the right decsion.
Nicky |
|
II think Lisal and Nicky have offered good advice for
you here and of course I wish you happiness in whatever you
choose.
If you just want a friend to chat to on this please feel free to mail
me privately.
Melanie |
Got problems -
why not mail Mel or Auntie B for advice or come sit
on
and chat with other
girls |
 |